Old Dreams

I had a dream last night.

 Someone that had once had all of me but gave it away came to me and begged forgiveness, made promises with grand gestures, and tried to reclaim my love. A long time ago that was something I imagined and longed for.  But in my dream, it was so strange to me how I felt absolutely nothing. 

There's a cliche quote that says, "you know you're in love when you can't sleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." And I can tell you how happy i was this morning to wake up to the life I have - to wake up to Robert, Milo, and the woman I am now. Isn't it incredible that things don't always work out the way we want? 

23

i turned 23 today.

when i was younger i would count down to my birthday all year long, but birthdays are different now. i find myself grasping to hold onto them but they keep slipping through my fingers.

if i could make today last forever, i would.  

i wrote this at a time that now feels like so long ago;

used to look at the clock like it held any sway,

as if the numbers would govern your day.

now you glance at the hands to beg them for more,

not wanting to tear yourself from the shores.

i guess i still feel like that sometimes, feel like time is running away with me.

 i woke up to milo poking at my eyelashes, he does that. i smiled, "good morning chubba," and i got that grin that sneaks up slowly around the corners of his mouth. robert, curled up on the other side of the bed, started to stretch out and reach for us and i just took it all in. our mornings are more or less the same every day (with the occasional diaper explosion), but today i really took it in. i never really noticed how the sun bursts into our bedroom windows, it's incredible. i never noticed how important playing footsie is to robert in the mornings, or how milo just wakes up every day ready to explore and learn something new.  i love it. i'm 23, i've made enough mistakes and wrong turns to appreciate the fact that i am in a really good place right now. i am living in a foreign country and learning to love a new culture, i am trying my hardest to raise a happy boy in a sad world, and i am hopelessly in love with an incredible man.  i take it for granted, i know i do.

i thought a life like this wouldn't happen for me, i guess i was afraid i wouldn't know what to do with it. but today i'm more grateful than ever that it has. i'm trying every day to deserve it, and i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. so i love being 23.

Sirens

today was fun.

milo and i were eating cereal and watching a show in our undies this morning when all of the sudden a loud deep voice started speaking chinese in one of the back rooms.

a little bit terrifying because we were alone. so i started sneaking back there like the dumb girl in all those horror films who dies, only to find a speaker system in our bathroom that was playing a recording on repeat. when all of the sudden sirens started going off! and they wouldn't stop! so of course i grab milo, put some clothes on, save the oreos, and run outside. only to find i'm the only one out there. everybody else is going about their business while i just heard an alarm that sounded like world war three was happening. so i call robert while i'm walking over to the taiwanese security guard and hand him the phone. he proceeds to say something in chinese and starts laughing while he hands me back the phone. then calmly my husband tells me it's just a fire drill. i was not amused.  but i didn't want everyone in the complex to think i just ran outside for the fire drill, so milo and i went to the playground to kill a few minutes until it became unembarassing to walk back home.

it was nice outside, i think milo had fun.

and that's okay

sometimes this is what milo and i do all day. and that's okay.

 

sometimes milo isn't even dressed when daddy gets home. and that's okay.

(sometimes I can't even think straight because my husband is so fine. and that's okay too. )

 

 

it's okay that somebody ate the last mango popsicle

 

 

or that there are little creatures that try on your underwear while you are doing laundry.

 

 

 sometimes babies squat in the corner to fill their diaper. and sometimes their diaper doesn't hold it all. and that's okay.

 

 

and sometimes we have our chubby days. that's okay.

 

 

it means we're eating well,

our bodies are healthy, 

 we have clothes on our backs,

we have learned how to share,

we love unconditionally,

and we want to be together forever

 

 

and that's perfect.

Ji Rou

We're here! We finally got to go on our big adventure. Even though there were some speedbumps along the way, everything has really fallen into place and we are thrilled to be here. On Monday, Robert started his first big boy job teaching English and Social Studies at a private high school here in Xinfeng, Taiwan! Which means that the Chubb and I had to fend for ourselves for a few days before we got in the swing of things. I was so brave, you would have been so proud. 

 

My first day alone, I strapped Milo in the baby pack and went exploring.  We're living on the outskirts of town, so the streets are not nearly as jam-packed and things move a little slower here :) We saw a group of sweet old Chinese men playing some kind of domino game, so naturally we stopped to chat for a while. They spoke just enough English to ask where I was from, and tell me to buy something in their "shop", pointing to a cooler next to them haha! So I thought I would be safe and grab a water bottle just to appease them. As I walked away I took a big swig of "water" and promptly gagged. Clear bottle of liquid, blue label, apparently not water. Its some kind of electrolyte drink (Gatorade style) but really strong and a little salty. Learned my lesson.

 

So then we got hungry.

I didn't want to just go to the 7-11 (which is on every street corner btw) I wanted some nitty gritty local kine food. You know, to seem cultured. So I wandered into this place that looked like it could be a restaurant, but there were no pictures! How am I supposed to tell them what I want without pictures! It's hard with Chinese because you can't even guess what the characters mean, you're just totally lost. So I walked straight up to the counter and said, Ji Rou! ...which means chicken.

I hope I didn't offend him.

He went to the back and brought out two huge chunks of raw meat- a chicken leg and a chunk of pork. I guess I was saying it wrong. SO I pointed to the chicken, and he whipped up a big box of food and asked me for the money. Since I'm still figuring out how money works here, I just pulled out a handful of coins and let him pick the ones he wanted.

And then I ran home and locked the door.

I did pretty good, I ate most of what he made for me! And topped it off with some always amazing guava nectar.

 

 

As you can see, Milo was not very thrilled about our new adventure. As soon as we got home he fell asleep and I just cuddled him while watching Legally Blonde with Chinese subtitles.

 

 

 

This place is cool :)

 The people are sweet, the food is good, the weather is pretty nice, my husband is smoking hot, my baby is precious, and I get to be a part of all of it.

 

 

Splendid Strangers

 "How much larger your life would be if your self could become smaller in it; if you could really look at other men with common curiosity and pleasure; if you could see them walking as they are in their sunny selfishness and their virile indifference! You would begin to be interested in them, because they were not interested in you. You would break out of this tiny and tawdry theatre in which your own little plot is always being played, and you would find yourself under a freer sky, in a street full of splendid strangers.”      -G.K. Chesterton

                                        My heart is full, and so I will blog.

Here I will document my travels, my husband, my beautiful baby boy, and anything else that helps me find myself under a freer sky.


                                                      Enjoy.