23

i turned 23 today.

when i was younger i would count down to my birthday all year long, but birthdays are different now. i find myself grasping to hold onto them but they keep slipping through my fingers.

if i could make today last forever, i would.  

i wrote this at a time that now feels like so long ago;

used to look at the clock like it held any sway,

as if the numbers would govern your day.

now you glance at the hands to beg them for more,

not wanting to tear yourself from the shores.

i guess i still feel like that sometimes, feel like time is running away with me.

 i woke up to milo poking at my eyelashes, he does that. i smiled, "good morning chubba," and i got that grin that sneaks up slowly around the corners of his mouth. robert, curled up on the other side of the bed, started to stretch out and reach for us and i just took it all in. our mornings are more or less the same every day (with the occasional diaper explosion), but today i really took it in. i never really noticed how the sun bursts into our bedroom windows, it's incredible. i never noticed how important playing footsie is to robert in the mornings, or how milo just wakes up every day ready to explore and learn something new.  i love it. i'm 23, i've made enough mistakes and wrong turns to appreciate the fact that i am in a really good place right now. i am living in a foreign country and learning to love a new culture, i am trying my hardest to raise a happy boy in a sad world, and i am hopelessly in love with an incredible man.  i take it for granted, i know i do.

i thought a life like this wouldn't happen for me, i guess i was afraid i wouldn't know what to do with it. but today i'm more grateful than ever that it has. i'm trying every day to deserve it, and i wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. so i love being 23.